Waiting and worrying? Why absorbing beats distracting

On The Art of Manliness (episode 884, April 2023), psychology professor Kate Sweeny, who studies how people cope while they wait for uncertain news, told host Brett McKay how her lab came to study flow. When they asked people what makes a wait easier, she said in that conversation, almost every answer was the same: I try to distract myself. Her own earlier research hadn't found people very good at that, or found it very effective. So her team went looking for a better kind of distraction.

"at the very least, it just gives you a break from your worry"

Kate Sweeny, The Art of Manliness, 2023

Absorbed, not just busy

What they landed on was flow, which Sweeny described as being in the zone: fully engaged in what you're doing, out of your head, with worries and other thoughts gone quiet. Time tends to fly, which is welcome when you're waiting to hear about a job or an exam.

In her studies, her team asked people how much flow they felt during a wait, and also set up waits with more or less of it. Across the board, she said, flow helped, because at the very least it gave people a break from their worry. Even something as trivial as a video game can do it, if you have the time.

Her point was about the kind of activity. People often try to check out and relax, she said, when what helps is to engage. Putting on a show while the worry keeps running in the background is different from a task that needs you.

What the research adds

There is a reason plain "think of something else" disappoints. In the classic white bear experiments, students told not to think of a white bear kept thinking of it, and thought of it more once they were allowed to (Wegner et al, 1987). A later review of such studies found a small to moderate rebound after pushing a thought away (Abramowitz et al, 2001).

A small sleep study points the same way as Sweeny. People who slept badly did better with unwanted thoughts before sleep when they pictured an absorbing scene than when they were simply told to distract themselves (Harvey and Payne, 2002). Only the study's summary is available, so treat it as a hint.

Public guidance adds an order. The "Postpone your Worry" worksheet from a public clinic in Western Australia asks you to write the worry down briefly, put it off until a set time, and then bring your attention back to what you're doing (CCI, Postpone your Worry). Getting absorbed works best as that last step, after the worry has somewhere to go. On its own, distraction tends to wear off, and the worry comes back with nowhere to land.

How this fits the Reduce worry and overthinking program

In the 1h Protocol to Reduce Worry and Overthinking, chapter 2 teaches you to catch a worry, test it, and park it in a few words for a worry slot you choose. Its last line is the way back: go back to what you were doing, fully, and skip the extra check. If you can't get back into it, the program suggests something that holds your attention for ten minutes, because a task you can sink into works better than "think of something else". Sweeny's minutes on flow are on the program's listening list, and the first chapter is free.

Source: The Art of Manliness, Podcast #884: How to Deal With the Worry of Waiting, 3 Apr 2023 Research: Wegner et al, 1987 · Abramowitz et al, 2001 · Harvey and Payne, 2002