Social support and stress: Sapolsky's pick, and its catch

At the end of a lecture at the Beckman Institute of the University of Illinois, posted in 2017, Stanford's Robert Sapolsky took questions. Sapolsky had spent the evening on the things that make the same outside stressor easier or harder to bear: some control, some predictability, an outlet, and someone's shoulder to lean on. Someone in the audience asked whether any of the four had gained importance in recent years, and whether we should focus on some more than others. "All things considered", Sapolsky answered, social support has probably gained the most. If you had a choice among all of them, more control over your time, more predictability, more outlets:

"when it works right the social support is the one that's most effective"

Robert Sapolsky, Beckman Institute lecture, posted 2017

The catch

Sapolsky didn't stop at the pick. The same buffer, the answer went on, is also the one that has lost the most shine, because people so easily confuse acquaintances, or a Friday night out, with the real thing. Real support is hard. It takes a long time, patience, reciprocity and maturity, and most of us fail at it at some point. The good news in the same answer: the studies, as Sapolsky summarized them, tend to show no particular difference between a partner, a small group or a community. Each can do the job.

The lecture shares its title with Sapolsky's book, Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers. The book isn't the source here; the Q&A is.

What the research adds

Reviews of workplace studies back the first half of the answer. High demands, little say and little support each added to employees' strain (Häusser and colleagues, 2010). Across many studies, support went with less strain and with fewer stressors in the first place (Viswesvaran, Sanchez and Fisher, 1999). That same review adds the part that matches Sapolsky's catch: support didn't reliably show up on its own when stress rose. It often has to be asked for. Only the summaries of these reviews are available, so read them without numbers.

Asking is easier than it feels. In a series of studies, people underestimated how many others would agree to a direct request for help (Flynn and Lake, 2008).

The World Health Organization's advice on stress says the same in plain words: keep in touch with family and friends, and share your concerns with people you trust (WHO, Stress).

How this fits the Manage everyday stress program

In the 1h Protocol to Manage Everyday Stress, support belongs to the Hands, one of the three parts that decide why a day tips: whose hands the load is in, and whether anyone shares it. Chapter 1 explains why support rarely turns up unasked, with a box from another part of this lecture. Chapter 5 helps you hand one whole thing over, the remembering included, and draft what you'd ask for. If your pattern is the Squeezed Basics, your plan can keep one person in your week; if it's the Carrying-It-Alone Load, your first step is that one specific ask. The first chapter is free and finds your stress pattern.

Source: Beckman Institute (University of Illinois), "Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers: Stress and Health" by Dr. Robert Sapolsky, published 20 Jun 2017 Research: Häusser and colleagues, 2010 · Viswesvaran, Sanchez and Fisher, 1999 · Flynn and Lake, 2008 · WHO, Stress