Sober curious: what Ruby Warrington means, and how to try it

Being sober curious means asking, before each drink, whether you actually want it, instead of drinking because the occasion expects it. You don't need a problem, a label or a pledge to start. Pick one occasion, go without drinking or with less, bring something you like to drink, decide when you'll leave, and see how it went.

In 2016, Ruby Warrington went to the Austin City Limits festival in Texas, where one of her favorite bands, LCD Soundsystem, was headlining. She had a couple of beers, and "it wasn't a triggering situation for me," she says (Sober Curious podcast, 09:39). When she posted about it on Instagram, a couple of people in the sober community sent her "quite a lot of vitriol". That led to her first post on what being sober curious meant to her.

Warrington is a former features editor of the UK's Sunday Times Style supplement, and her book Sober Curious came out in 2018 (HarperCollins). Her stance is in her own words: "I don't necessarily call myself sober and I don't necessarily hold abstinence as my ideal for drinking" (06:26). Not drinking is her default, and she decides "very carefully and selectively" when to drink (07:31).

One disclosure before her advice: the episode we draw on was sponsored by an alcohol-free wine brand, which she promotes in it, and her publisher lists her as a co-founder of a sober curious event series, Club SODA NYC. We leave out the sponsor's claims and the book subtitle's promise of "blissful sleep, greater focus, and deep connection", which no study here tests (for sleep, see alcohol and sleep).

What does sober curious mean?

On a 2025 Bupa panel about the movement, the host, the GP Dr Zoe Williams, put it simply: "sober curiosity isn't necessarily about quitting alcohol completely." It's about understanding how drinking affects you, so you can choose "if, when, and where you want to drink" (Bupa Health, 01:00). One of her guests, Dr Richard Piper, runs Alcohol Change UK, the charity behind Dry January. He calls himself "dry by default" (08:23): as Williams introduced him, he drinks only when he has a really good reason, and he hasn't had one for six years (03:46). His warning about the phrase is that "we think too much about the sober sometimes and not enough about the curiosity" (43:42).

"Mindful drinking" is the close cousin. Two researchers at the University of Newcastle in Australia describe it as "stopping to ask yourself why you want to have a drink, and if each and every drink needs to be alcoholic" (The Conversation). Our guides to moderate drinking and how to drink less cover the "less" route.

Three things it isn't:

• A diagnosis. The question is whether a drink is worth it to you tonight.
• A certificate. A dry night or a dry month tells you about your habits. It doesn't prove you're fine or reset anything; see Dry January.
• A big movement yet, at least by name. In Australia, the share of people in their 20s who didn't drink rose from 8.9% in 2001 to 22% in 2019, according to the national survey the Newcastle researchers cite. But in a 2021 to 2022 US survey of 1,659 young adults who drank (most in California, average age about 25), only 9.4% had heard of "sober curious", and 0.78% said they'd tried it or taken part (Siconolfi et al., 2024).

Why not drinking can feel awkward

There are two plain reasons, and the first is belonging. On No Stupid Questions, the psychologist Angela Duckworth points out that people mostly drink in company, and that the urge to fit in is strong: "the need to belong, it's so profound" (No Stupid Questions). When one person doesn't drink, the others can feel the group is no longer doing the same thing. Her co-host Mike Maughan, who doesn't drink, remembers a work dinner in his first job where a colleague leaned across the table to demand why he'd turned down the wine. The CEO's wife answered for him and told the man to leave him alone.

The second reason is that alcohol does ease the first minutes with strangers. In an experiment in Pittsburgh, 720 social drinkers aged 21 to 28 met in groups of three strangers and drank over 36 minutes (Sayette et al., 2012). Groups given alcohol smiled and talked more than groups given a soft drink, or a drink they wrongly believed contained alcohol. On how close they felt to their group, though, those who knowingly drank a soft drink rated it about as highly as those who drank alcohol. So the first half hour without a drink may feel stiffer, and people still connected without one.

Piper agrees: with alcohol-free drinks at your usual pub, "the first couple of drinks, you might be a little bit more awkward, a little bit more anxious", but later hours may be better (34:45). Dr Alex George, a GP who stopped drinking in December 2022, adds that we overrate how much others notice: "people don't worry about it as much as you do" (40:17). Some drinking friends may see less of you, he admits (40:28). Changing your drinking can stir up low mood or worry for a while. If it feels like too much, or dark thoughts come, see your doctor.

Plan the evening before you go

Warrington's advice comes from her episode "How To Party Sober", built around a sober weekend at a Detroit techno festival; the Bupa panel fills the gaps.

1. Pick one occasion and call it an experiment

You don't have to give anything up for good. Piper suggests choosing one event, a birthday party say, and deciding "I'm going to try this one alcohol free" (43:54). As he puts it: "You don't have to do them forever without alcohol, but just try them once. That's what curiosity is about" (35:30).

Pick one where you'll be in a decent mood. At the Detroit festival, stress from work came with Warrington, and she learned that "you have to be in the mood if you want to party sober" (13:48). Deal with what's worrying you first, or at least plan when you will.

2. Shrink the task to what it is

Before an event she feels obliged to attend (an office celebration, the boss's barbecue, a wedding of someone she barely knows), Warrington reminds herself that "all it takes to party sober is to go to the party and not drink" (26:14).

3. Tell the host, or bring a friend who isn't drinking

Let the host know you won't be drinking, so they don't keep offering, and that you might leave a bit early (28:18). Your reason can be as short as enjoying not drinking right now. George's advice for friends and family is the same: you can explain your why, and you "don't have to go into huge detail" (39:27).

4. Bring your own drink

"It can feel really awkward being in a social setting when you don't have anything in your hand," Warrington says (30:20). Take a six-pack of alcohol-free beer or sparkling water to a house party. You don't have to pretend it's a gin and tonic. In interviews with young adults in Melbourne, one non-drinker carried her own non-alcoholic drink in a plastic cup to house parties (Pennay et al., 2024). Whether alcohol-free beer helps or tempts you depends on the person (non-alcoholic beer).

At the party, and the morning after

5. Have your sentence ready

Piper suggests planning what you'll say if someone pushes a drink on you (44:20). Keep it short and needing no reason. Warrington's is "no, it's just a soda water, I'm not drinking tonight" (30:20 to 31:22), and she says the more often you say it, the faster it becomes normal "for you and everybody else". For office parties and after-work drinks, see our guide to drinking at work events.

6. Play it forward

When the moment comes, Warrington thinks about how she'll feel the next day if she drinks and if she doesn't, a trick she says she first heard about in recovery circles (31:22). Picture tomorrow's breakfast and plans.

7. Leave when you've had enough

"There's no shame whatsoever in leaving really early if you're just not feeling it," Warrington says (35:36). She remembers ordering one more drink so it wouldn't look as if she was leaving early, on repeat until four in the morning. Set your leaving time and way home before you go, as Piper also suggests (44:36).

8. Look back the next day

The panel's last step is to reflect: what went well, what went badly, and what you'd do differently next time. Then make the next plan from that (46:00). A night that went badly tells you about the setting, and the next try can change it.

If you'd rather drink a little, Piper suggests starting with two or three alcohol-free drinks, or alternating each drink with water (44:56 to 45:41).

If curiosity turns into a break or a stop

Some people who start curious decide to take a month off or stop. If your body may have got used to alcohol, stopping or cutting down quickly can make you unwell, sometimes seriously. Talk to a doctor before you change how much you drink. A doctor can help you cut down or stop safely, usually without a hospital stay.

If you choose a break or a stop, read this once before you start. If, after stopping or cutting down, you get shaky, sweaty, sick or very anxious in the hours after your last drink, talk to a doctor before going further. If you, or someone with you, notice a fit, confusion (not knowing where you are or what day it is), or seeing or hearing things that aren't there, get medical help straight away. Don't wait.

That is different from the ordinary worry some people feel the morning after a night of drinking, which our article on hangxiety explains.

Choose the next party

For Warrington, the beers in Austin were part of the investigation, and the criticism that followed made her define it. Being sober curious, as she describes it, is deciding each time and being fine with the answer: "if tonight that means I'm leaving at nine, I'm going to say my hellos and I'm going to go home" (37:39). If you do one thing this week, look at your calendar, pick the next party, and decide now what you'll drink and when you'll leave.

To turn that into a plan for your own evenings, try the 1h Protocol to Reduce Your Drinking. It's practical education, and the first chapter is free: it counts your last week in your own country's drinks, checks how your body reacts when you drink less, finds your pattern (one of them, the Social Pull, is for evenings where company sets the pace) and gives you one thing to do next time. The full program takes about an hour: you choose your goal (drink less, take a break or stop), write and rehearse your first-drink line, and plan the occasions you can already see coming. You leave with your plan, two habits set at your own times, a sheet to mark each day and a review on day 14, with four short one-tap check-ins by email on days 1, 7, 14 and 30. Start free

Frequently asked questions

What does sober curious mean?

It means questioning your drinking instead of following the occasion: asking whether you want this drink, here, tonight. Ruby Warrington, who popularized the term with her 2018 book, doesn't call herself sober and doesn't hold abstinence as her ideal (Sober Curious podcast, 06:26).

Is sober curious the same as sober?

No. "Sober" usually means not drinking at all, often for good. Sober curious leaves the answer open: some people end up drinking less, some take a break, and some stop. If you choose to stop, some people find a mutual-help group useful. If your body may have got used to alcohol, talk to a doctor before you change how much you drink.

What is mindful drinking?

Pausing to ask why you want a drink, and whether each drink needs to be alcoholic (The Conversation). In practice: an alcohol-free drink midweek, or a number decided before you go out. It leans more toward drinking less than toward not drinking.

How do I try being sober curious?

Choose one occasion and treat it as an experiment. Tell the host, bring a drink you like, have a short sentence ready, decide when you'll leave, and look back the next day. Then try a second occasion, changing what didn't work (Bupa Health).

How do I go out without drinking?

Have a drink in your hand from the start and keep your no short: "I'm not drinking tonight" needs no reason. Expect the first half hour to feel stiffer; in a lab study, people who knowingly drank a soft drink still felt about as close to their group (Sayette et al., 2012). Set your leaving time before you go.

Sources

This article draws on Ruby Warrington's Sober Curious podcast and her publisher's description of her book, a Bupa Health panel with Dr Zoe Williams, Dr Alex George and Dr Richard Piper, Angela Duckworth and Mike Maughan's conversation on No Stupid Questions, and the studies and article listed below.

• How To Party Sober with Ruby Warrington (podcast episode, Sober Curious, 2019; sponsored by an alcohol-free wine brand)
• Ruby Warrington, Sober Curious (book, publisher page, HarperOne, 2018)
• Rethinking drinking? What is sober curious? (panel video, Bupa Health, Inside Health, 2025)
• Pirinen & Bucher, Australians are embracing 'mindful drinking' (expert article, The Conversation, 2021)
• Siconolfi et al, Sober curiosity and participation in temporary alcohol abstinence challenges in a cohort of US emerging adults (survey of 1,659 young adults who drank, Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs, 2024)
• Pennay et al, Risk and restraint: the key to understanding decreasing alcohol use among young people in high-income countries? (interviews with 40 young people aged 18 to 21 in Melbourne, Drug and Alcohol Review, 2024)
• Why Is There So Much Social Pressure Around Alcohol? (podcast episode, No Stupid Questions, 2023)
• Sayette et al, Alcohol and group formation (randomized lab experiment, 720 social drinkers aged 21 to 28, Psychological Science, 2012)