Phubbing: what a phone on the table does to a meal

Phubbing is snubbing the person you're with by turning to your phone; researchers use the word for focusing on your own phone during a social interaction (Radtke et al., 2022). In the best test of what it does, a café experiment with about 300 people eating with friends or family in Vancouver, groups whose phones sat on the table enjoyed the meal a little less and felt more distracted than groups whose phones were put away. How close they felt to each other didn't change (Dwyer et al., 2018). The effect is small, and the fix that matches the study is a rule the whole table agrees.

Ryan Dwyer was a graduate student in Elizabeth Dunn's psychology lab at the University of British Columbia when he and Kostadin Kushlev, who had already studied phone alerts, designed the study. They invited groups of three to five friends or family members to a local café for what was billed as "a study investigating people's experience dining out with friends." To hide the real question, they used a cover story. Some groups were told a research assistant would text them a survey question during the meal, so they should leave their phones on the table with the ringer or vibration on. The others were told they'd get the question on paper, and were asked to put their phones on silent in a container on the table. Whole groups were assigned at random, the meals were filmed, and the team registered its predictions in advance (Dwyer et al., 2018).

They expected phones to cost something, and also to help a little, for example by relieving boredom when the conversation lulled. That second prediction failed.

The six steps below follow what they found, in three stages: notice what the phone on the table is doing, stop phubbing people yourself, and agree a phone rule with the people you eat with, starting with the card below.

Notice what the phone on the table is doing

The people in the phone groups used their phones for only about a tenth of the meal, by the coders' count, and said they'd used them slightly less than they normally would in a restaurant (Dwyer et al., 2018). That modest use was enough to show up in how the meal felt.

1. Expect a phone on the table to pull attention, even when you barely use it

On a scale of 1 to 7, the phone groups rated their enjoyment 4.98 and the phone-free groups 5.36. The phone groups also felt more distracted, and the analysis pointed to distraction as the route: feeling distracted went with enjoying the meal less. How connected they felt to the others at the table was almost identical in both conditions (Dwyer et al., 2018). Dwyer is frank about the size in his write-up: "the observed effects in the present study were relatively small." The phone groups also had their ringers or vibration on, so a silent phone face down may cost less.

Boredom went the opposite way from the team's prediction: if anything, the phone groups felt slightly more bored, a marginal result. The explanation offered is that a quiet source of distraction can be mistaken for boredom with the situation itself, much as people report more boredom when a television plays quietly in another room than when it's blaring.

"Phones may ironically increase boredom." Ryan Dwyer, Smartphone use undermines enjoyment of face-to-face social interactions

A second study followed 123 US university students for a week, asking them five times a day what they'd been doing and how they felt over the previous 15 minutes. When they'd been with other people and using their phones, they reported feeling more distracted, enjoying it less and feeling a little less connected than when they hadn't used their phones. That study tracked moments as they happened, so it can't show which came first; the café, which assigned phones at random, found no change in closeness, so read that part with care. On enjoyment and distraction, it points the same way as the café.

2. Notice the lull, and ask what the phone is for

The phone tends to come out in a gap. Dwyer notes that the natural lulls of a long meal seem to offer a free moment to check, yet even modest phone use was enough to make people feel distracted (Dwyer et al., 2018). A study that filmed 37 young adults in the UK, France and Germany through their days found that company changed how long people spent on their phones, not how often they picked them up (Heitmayer & Lahlou, 2021). Most described other people's phone use at social occasions as annoying. One participant went to the bathroom to answer messages "because that's socially acceptable," and said he wanted "to be this guy who pays attention."

Catherine Price, the science journalist who wrote How to Break Up with Your Phone, suggests three questions for the moment you reach: "what for, why now, what else" (10% Happier, 2018, 25:17). What are you picking it up to do, is it the situation or boredom, and what else could you do? At a table, "what else" is usually sitting opposite you. Her wider approach is the subject of our guide to reducing screen time.

Stop phubbing people yourself

In the café, the phone-free groups had their phones silenced in a container on the table, so there was nothing to glance at and nothing to hear.

3. Park your phone on silent, out of your hand

Adam Alter, a professor of business and psychology who studies screens, goes further with his own rule: "I will never use my phone at the table. It's far away, as far away as possible" (TED, 2017, 6:57). The podcast host Mel Robbins keeps hers off her body: "If I don't have it on my body, I don't reach for it" (Mel Robbins Podcast, 2026, 43:52). Johann Hari, author of Stolen Focus, goes furthest. "If anyone comes around for dinner, I will insist they imprison their phone," he says, and the same goes for a movie with his partner (Rich Roll Podcast, 2022, 42:33). He uses a locking box; a drawer or another room does the same job, and there's nothing to buy.

4. Silence it, and say so if you're waiting for something

Nir Eyal, author of Indistractable, tells a story against himself. During a conversation game with his daughter, he looked down to check something on his phone, and in that moment she got the message "that whatever was on my phone was more important than she was"; by the time he looked up, she had left the room (Knowledge Project, 2021, 15:00). Not every check starts with a buzz, but switching off the notifications you don't need removes one reason to look; our guide to turning off notifications shows which ones to keep. If you really are waiting for something, such as a babysitter's text or a call from work, say so when you sit down and step away to check. In a one-day study without notifications, the people who stayed calm were those whose contacts already knew they'd reply late (Pielot & Rello, 2017). Telling the table up front applies the same idea.

Agree a phone rule together

The café study set the rule for whole tables, so it can't say what happens when one person puts their phone away and the rest don't. Dwyer couldn't tell whether the effect came from a person's own phone use, everyone else's, or both, and gave an example of why it matters: "Sally might become frustrated if all her friends are using their phones but she is not" (Dwyer et al., 2018). So the rule has to cover everyone at the table.

5. Propose a rule for the whole table

Mel Robbins's family rule is short: "We have no phones at the table, period. Not allowed" (Mel Robbins Podcast, 2026, 42:49). Eyal calls the family dining table a "no phone zone" (Knowledge Project, 2021, 1:10:42). It's a common rule already: in the American Psychological Association's 2016 survey of 3,511 US adults, 28% said they don't allow phones at the dinner table (APA, 2017).

Ask for it as a proposal for everyone, starting with you: "Can we try phones in the basket for dinner this week? I'll go first."

With a partner who's always on their phone, the same shape helps. Pick one shared moment, such as dinner or the first half hour after you both get home, and ask to try phones away for that moment only, for a week. Talk about the time together rather than their habits, include your own phone, and agree how either of you can be reached if work or family needs you. A week is short enough to say yes to. If you're tempted to call their habit an addiction, our article on phone addiction explains why researchers use other terms.

6. Tie the rule to an event, and give it a week

Alter's reason for choosing the table over a time of day is practical: "5 and 6pm looks different on different days," while dinner happens every day, wherever you are, so "every time dinner begins, my phone goes far away" (TED, 2017, 6:57). He admits the start was hard: "At first, it hurts. I had massive FOMO" (7:39). Expect the first few meals to feel odd, keep the exceptions you agreed, and after a week ask everyone how it went. Then decide together whether to keep it, and whether to stretch it to another moment, such as the first hour of a visit.

A small effect, every day

The café study went in expecting the phone to relieve a dull moment. Instead, the phone tables enjoyed the meal a little less, felt more distracted and, if anything, were slightly more bored, from a phone they used for a tenth of the meal. That's a small cost, but it can come with every shared meal where the phones stay out, and a rule for the table costs nothing to try for a week. As the published summary puts it, "phones may undermine the benefits we derive from interacting with those across the table" (Dwyer et al., 2018).

If time with people is where your phone costs you most, the 1h Protocol to Take Control of Your Phone can build a meals line like this into your plan. It's an education program: a free first chapter finds what keeps pulling you back, then five more chapters build a personal protocol from your answers and your phone's own numbers, with the settings set up live, a lock-screen card and reviews on day 7 and day 14. Four short check-ins follow over 30 days. Start free

Frequently asked questions

What is phubbing?

Phubbing, a blend of "phone" and "snubbing," means turning to your phone while you're with someone, so they get less of your attention. Researchers use it for focusing on your own phone during a social interaction. It covers anything from a glance at a notification mid-conversation to scrolling through a meal.

Does a phone on the table really change a meal?

A little. In a café experiment with about 300 people in groups of friends or family, those whose phones were on the table enjoyed the meal slightly less (4.98 against 5.36 on a 7-point scale) and felt more distracted than those whose phones were put away. How close they felt didn't change.

How does phubbing affect relationships?

The research measures single meals and moments, not relationships. In the café, how close people felt didn't change. In a 2016 US survey, people who checked their phones constantly were more likely to say they felt disconnected from family even when together (44% against 25%), but that's a link, not proof that the phone caused it.

How do I ask someone to put their phone away?

Propose a shared rule: suggest phones away for one meal or moment, for a week, and put yours away first. Agree exceptions up front, such as someone on call, so nobody has to break the rule to stay reachable.

How do I stop phubbing people myself?

Park your phone on silent before you sit down, in a container or out of reach, and switch off notifications you don't need. If you're waiting for something, say so and step away to check. Adam Alter argues that a rule tied to an event, such as every dinner, is easier to keep than one tied to a time of day.

Is phubbing rude?

Many people find it so. In a study that filmed young adults through their days, participants described phone use at social occasions as annoying, and in company they kept their pick-ups shorter, though not less frequent. One went to the bathroom to answer messages because it felt more acceptable than checking at the table.

Sources

This article draws on Ryan Dwyer, Kostadin Kushlev and Elizabeth Dunn's café experiment and experience-sampling study, a filmed field study of everyday phone use, a 2016 US survey, and talks and interviews with Adam Alter, Mel Robbins, Nir Eyal, Catherine Price and Johann Hari.

• Dwyer, Kushlev & Dunn, Smartphone use undermines enjoyment of face-to-face social interactions (field experiment with 304 people in Vancouver and an experience-sampling study with 123 US students, Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 2018; details from Dwyer's 2017 master's thesis of the same title)
• Radtke, Apel, Schenkel, Keller & von Lindern, Digital detox: an effective solution in the smartphone era? A systematic literature review (systematic review, Mobile Media & Communication, 2022)
• Heitmayer & Lahlou, Why are smartphones disruptive? An empirical study of smartphone use in real-life contexts (filmed field study, 37 adults aged 21 to 29, UK, France and Germany, 2021)
• American Psychological Association, Stress in America 2017: technology and social media (survey of 3,511 US adults, August 2016)
• Adam Alter, Why our screens make us less happy (TED talk, 2017)
• The Mel Robbins Podcast ep. 434: Jonathan Haidt, Get your focus, motivation, and life back (podcast episode, 2026)
• The Knowledge Project ep. 104: Nir Eyal, Mastering indistraction (podcast episode, 2021)
• 10% Happier with Dan Harris #133: Catherine Price, Redefining your relationship with your phone (podcast episode, 2018)
• The Rich Roll Podcast #661: Johann Hari, Why you can't pay attention (podcast episode, 2022)
• Pielot & Rello, Productive, anxious, lonely: 24 hours without push notifications (within-person study, 30 volunteers, MobileHCI 2017)